My Life Between Lives Experience

Beautiful, we're live. Christian, welcome to the podcast. Thank you very much, guys. Great to be here.

I am, like I was just speaking to you off-air as well. I stumbled across your work a few months ago, and I was absolutely fascinated—absolutely fascinated. It's not many conversations I think I can have like what we're about to have today, with your journey, your experiences. So, I just want to know—I'll let you know—I really appreciate you coming on the show today. And I always love to ask my guests this very first question every show because it always strikes an interesting conversation anyway, and that is: If you were at an intimate dinner party right now with a bunch of strangers, and the person next to you said, "What do you do for a living?" what would you say?

Well, the typical human answer is to respond with a career choice. I'm currently in between jobs, but typically, if they're interested, I'd like to dig a little deeper and ask what they mean by it. And I like to qualify that who I am is not specifically just what I do for a living. So, for 19 years, I worked in the nuclear power industry. I spent 14 years managing complex nuclear valve and pump manufacturing projects. But I know that's not what we are. I'm not completely distracted by that. So, if it's a setting like that, I'd probably like to draw attention to what both that person and I really are and the meaning we can have—yes, experience at the table.

Yeah, and what if—how have you found your response to these conversations? Are people open, or is it really a place to gauge where people are at? First, they'll either run a mile or just go, "Tell me more, that's fascinating."

Yeah, people really have been very open. And I know how what I share sounds. I'm not unaware of the non-stereotypical, non-mainstream nature of the message that I've shared. I know how it appears on the surface. In fact, I didn't even share my pre-birth experience for seven or eight years after it returned to me because it just didn't seem appropriate to do so. But the other response has absolutely been amazing. I've met so many absolutely amazing people—so many deeply spiritual and aware people.

I've probably met 30 or 40 other pre-birth experiencers by now—other people who remember choosing their lives and coming to Earth. So, I'm definitely not the only one. It's really very cool when we can validate portions of that experience with each other here. You know, I feel like it's such a cool thing to come all the way here, be human, and then touch base here on Earth about these things. That's quite a unique, quite a unique thing.

Incredible. And how would you define then a pre-birth experience?

Well, linear time is tricky because linear time is a construct. We actually transcend the linear time that we seem to be so bound to. So, when I say pre-birth, of course, it does occur before human birth, but it also, for me, feels like it's happening right now and also feels like it's ridiculously ancient. I don't know how to describe it, but it is an experience that occurs prior to the process of incarnating, of accepting the veil, and coming in to have a physical experience. And to me, it seems very normal, very natural. When this experience returned to me, it was the most normal, natural thing in the world. It was like someone had just told me that I had coffee waiting for me on a dinner table or something.

It was just totally normal, nothing unique about it, though I understand that it is unique on Earth not to remember. But yeah, we all go through a process of coming—there's an intention behind our lives—and that process of life selection and accepting the veil and coming to be physical. I'm just referring to that generally as a pre-birth experience. It's a very deep and personal experience at the much deeper levels of the self that precedes the human experience of a given life.

Yeah, well, it's amazing, Christian. Like, I get it because I think even just going back three or four years ago, I'd have been challenged to have this conversation because a part of me would still not go, "Really, like, come on." But at the same time, I've done plant-based medicines. I've done ayahuasca journeys, which led me into just getting pulled into meditation. I had no desired outcome from it, but I just got pulled in like, "Why am I so curious about this? I just got to scratch that itch, you know?" Yeah, yeah. So, it then led me to have these expansive experiences that were beyond myself and beyond linear time. But once I had that experience, I go, "Huh, it actually feels like coming home, but it's kind of familiar, but it's not, you know?" Yeah, so then, as you know, it's continued to open up since.

Hence, why I invited you on because I kind of had enough threads of experiences to go, "Wow, there's definitely more than I actually consciously know in my conscious mind, you know?" So, I definitely get where you're coming from. I'm curious in your life because I'd love to touch on some of your experiences from the pre-birth memories. But what was it like because you know, when you talk about it, you kind of had these memories as a child, but then, like all of us as children, we tend to forget our memories, and then we become adults, and we kind of suppress them. But they started bubbling up for you again. Was there a particular trigger or an incident that actually set that off in your life because I believe you said you were 30 years old?

Yes, my body is 41 years old right now, and when I was 30, I took up a long-term meditation practice, just like you're saying. I had no expectation at all. It's just that I meditated several times, and it felt wonderful. That was initially what compelled me to keep doing it. I found some peace, you know, that I was always stressed and anxious. At first, it was just that, "Wow, there's actually peace and just being able to focus on just one thing." Tom Campbell, the physicist and consciousness explorer who I'm a great fan of, recommends meditation as a form of investigation—in other words, just go see, go look, go find out what is your awareness, your consciousness itself, when it's not associated with all the thoughts.

So, it doesn't need to have any meaning attached to it at all. You just go look. So, I did that, and after a few months, I had a non-physical experience similar to what you described. I don't know if mine would technically be called a Kundalini awakening, but I had a very strong energetic vibrational experience that shocked me. And I continued to meditate after that, and then the memories were just there. It wasn't like a big ta-dah, it wasn't a big revelation. It was just that they had always been there.

It's just that they had been covered up, like I don't know, like the ground covered by leaves or something, and the leaves just got blown away, and there it is. And it's so normal. Wow. And I was like, "Oh, my gosh, I remember that. I remember knowing that when I was a god. How did I forget that?" You know, it just seemed strange to me that I'd forgotten. It still seems strange to me, you know, yeah, we've forgotten. But yeah, it's just it was just there.

And how vivid were the memories that started to come through?

So, at first, it was segments that are ridiculously vivid. They're not like earthly memories. They are being-level, you know. They're like—this is all so impossible to describe. I just have to claim this before we get into all this, and I say this every time I have a conversation with somebody because we really have to be careful not to take the meaning of our earthly language and think that that can describe this stuff. It just can't. Language, words are form. You know, they are symbols, elements of our local experience, and our true nature transcends this experience entirely. It transcends linear time, physical distance, all the things that our language is.

Our language is based in a world of spectrums, and we transcend those spectrums. So, I just have to say that as a disclaimer very quickly because any time I feel like any time we even put out any words on it, it's just wrong immediately because of the expansive and unlimited nature of these things.

Okay, but that being said, the memories are very being-level memories. They are like living experiences now that are deeply a part of me and are connected to a great deal of feeling and imagery and knowledge. That's the only way I can describe it. It's not like one like earthly memory is very specific and dull by comparison, very limited. And sometimes I'm closer to it, and sometimes I'm further away. You know, if I haven't meditated in a while and I've been focusing on work all day every day, you know, it feels more distant.

But if I'm clear and focused and not associated as deeply with thinking and with my earthly identity and I'm just fully alert, it can be extremely tangible too. But that's the nature of the veil. You know, we kind of oscillate. The more we focus on our story here and on our thoughts and on our conditioning and on our labels of the story, the more deeply we wrap ourselves in that, the deeper the veil is felt. And you know, we can feel more distant from our true nature, especially when we buy into perceptions that are not in alignment with the truth of who we are—like if we buy into perceptions of powerlessness or unworthiness of love or lack of freedom.

Those are all converse to the truth. The truth is we are worthy of love and powerful and free beings. And I just mentioned that because here on Earth, you know, we get tied up in these perceptions of those negative self-perceptions, and that associating with that, losing ourselves in those perceptions, it deepens the feeling of the veil in our distance from that side. So, when we can let go and just be fully present and fully feel the aliveness that we are, you know, that deeper stuff can just rise up all on its own once again.

Yeah, yeah, incredible. I gotta ask you this because you've probably shared it a thousand times, and I do apologize, but I know a lot of the listeners will be new to listening to you today, and it's like, "Well, what memories did you have? What were you starting to experience with these meditations? What was coming through?" Because I think, for me, it's like it's the greatest mystery of all, isn't it? It's like, you know, and when you have people like yourself that talk about these things, it's needed, I believe. So, we all know—I don't consider myself special at all in that regard. We all know deep down. We none of us need an external person. I just want that to be said up front because we've all gone through amazingly rich, deep journeys, even if we are deep in the human personality for a while. That's okay. That's what we're here on Earth to do. Okay, but I'll share.

Okay, so the first memory that I have in this experience is long, long ago before I had ever been physical at all, coming across a being who had been physical. And I was so deeply inspired by the quality of this being's nature or essence—the quality of what he was. It just had this depth and beauty and power to it and so much joy and so much love and so much capacity and so much just power and quality. I don't know how to describe it. It was so rich. And I asked him—and again, these aren't words, it's telepathic. There's just an exchange of information on that side, a very complete and full exchange—like, "My goodness, like, what did you do to become this? Look at what you've become. What could you possibly have done to do this? And are you filled with as much joy as I feel that you're filled with?"

And he shared with me. Yes, he shared a lot with me. And among what he shared with me was that he had lived physical lives, and there was one physical life in particular where he had been—he had suffered. He had been either wounded or had some kind of disease, but he had a pain with him that lasted for many years, and it was very, very difficult for him to tolerate. But the way that he chose to meet that experience was very powerful, and through that experience, it permitted a very deep and beautiful refinement of his being.

That's the best way I can describe it. And I was just so inspired. I said, "I want to do that. I'm going to do that. I am going to do that." And he said—the words are so lacking here, but it was kind of like, "Yeah, that's what they all say," like, you know, kind of not brushing me off but almost like in a playful way. Like, it communicated, "It's difficult in a way that you just don't understand. You just have no knowledge of how difficult this can be." And I persisted, and I said, "No, I mean it. I want to do it." And he said, "Well, then go talk to your guides." So, I did. And I don't recall right after that, but I do remember living many times and then coming and finding this being later and engaging him and kind of sharing with him that I was on this path, and he was encouraging.

Okay, so then the majority of this pre-life memory is of a time somewhat immediately preceding this physical life. I remember taking a very long break after a previous physical experience, and this guide coming to me repeatedly and asking me, "Are you ready to go back yet? Are you ready to go back yet?" And just putting them off for a while, like over and over, like, "No, I'm not ready yet. No, I'm not ready." I'm just like putting them off many times because I was just not ready to go back and do that yet. And finally, I said, "Okay, I'm ready."

And I remember reviewing what I can only describe as like a chart or like a review of my state—like who I was, who I had been, the qualities that I knew that I really understood and engendered maybe. And it was a rich review of like—this is so hard to describe, but like all of what I am. And it was clear in that the thing that I needed to work on—I don't really like the words "work on." It's more like the area that would be best for me to experience and evolve through something like that.

And it was just blatantly obvious. Like, it was like if you looked at—I don't know, this is just crude human language—but imagine if you looked at like a chart with a hundred lines on it, and there's one that's just like super down, you know, like way, super obvious to see. It's like, "Oh, yeah, I got to do something about that." Like, there was no ambiguity.

And so, I said, "Okay." And okay, so what this thing was was a fear. It was a very low vibration energy, a fear energy that I had experienced in previous lives, and it had bested me. There was one life in particular in which this fear had gotten out of hand, and it had overcome me, and I became very egoic, and I hurt many other people in that life. And I had no—like, I couldn't believe that I had that much fear. But I knew that the fear was such a low vibration and so extreme that I knew even from that perspective, just very objectively, like, "Wow, this is a major undertaking."

And so, I asked, "Is it even possible to integrate this level of fear? Is it even possible to meet this level of experience? Has it ever been done in all of creation ever?" And I remember the guide sharing with me, "Yes, it has, and you have all time available to you to do so. You don't have to do it right away. There's no hurry."

And I just knew if it can be done, I will do it. And you know, it seems so strange to me now as like the human personality because I've met with great challenges in my life. You know, sometimes I suffer very deeply, but at the time, I just knew my strength. You know, I knew what I could do, and I was very purposeful in that. I said, "If it can be done, I will do it." So, they brought me a life that was very, very appropriate for this intention, and I reviewed that life, and I accepted that life, and then I accepted the veil for that life.

Now, the veil is just a word. I mean, it's—these things are very hard to describe, but it is—I'll just describe it because this is the thing that I remember most clearly, and it's kind of in the forefront of my mind every day because like it's almost like I can feel this now. But I felt this incredible drop in vibration of going from a place of all connectedness and all-knowing and all freedom down, down, down, down, down, lower, lower, lower, lower, lower. And it was like if somebody took an amplifier that was producing a pitch, and then you turn down the knob, and then you turn it down some more, more and more, and then lower and then lower and more, and then you think you're done, then you turn it down some more. You know, like that's how it felt—just such an incredible, ridiculously low plummet down, down, down into the state of being physical. And when I arrived, it felt like a place of darkness and separation.

I felt like I had lost all that I am, and I immediately responded in fear. I immediately rejected it. I said, "I am not doing this. This is so dark. This is so low vibration. I am not going to tolerate this. This is not happening." So, I mustered my might, my strength, and I fought my way out. I smote the veil, and I was successful in doing so because I was then on the other side again, and I had a life review because I had killed the fetus that was to be my body inadvertently by rejecting, by pushing myself back out. And I became aware of how my fear had impacted the mother and not only the mother but hundreds of other people whose journeys would have been made more difficult because of my fear. You know, and I had all these great intentions. Like, I really had this great intention, but I could see, "Oh, my gosh, all I did was heap difficulty. I got to do something about this." I could just see very clearly. It was like, "You know, man, I can't believe I did that." I mean, but you know, it's okay because on the other side, you know, all is well. There is no true problem. It's just a play. Everything's fine.

Everyone's okay. But I just could see like, "Oh, man, I had so much respect and love for the other players in the game, and I couldn't believe that I had heaped more difficulty on them rather than helping." You know, like, I just wanted to be up. I wanted to have a positive effect, and I didn't. And so, I knew, "Oh, man, I really got to do something about this fear." So, I spent some time practicing accepting the veil in a room—a place that I can only describe as like a veil acceptance simulator.

And I know that sounds strange, but I remember being in this place. It seemed like going to a room with a dark pool where you get dunked underneath the water and see how long you can hold your breath, and if you want, you can cry uncle, and they'll let you out because it's just a simulator, right? It was like that. And I practiced that for a while, but I can tell you the real veil is much more difficult than the simulator. I'll tell you that right now because okay.

Okay, so then they brought me this current life as Christian, and I reviewed this life, and I knew that this life was good, but it was not as perfectly appropriate as the first one would have been. That one was a way more appropriate, perfect match for my intention. This one wasn't bad, but it was good. It was okay. And I remember reviewing this life. Okay, so it was like if you—it was like I reviewed a flowchart is the only way I can describe it of millions and millions of possibilities of what this life could be or would be like. It was like if you took a tree and laid it on its side and you started at the trunk and went out to the branches, it was kind of like that except it was what it would feel like to be me, to be Christian at these various ages.

And it was probabilistic, you know, like there were certain avenues that were very likely, almost certain, and others that were less likely. But it was very complex—millions and millions of paths that I reviewed all within a second. It was not hard for me to do, so I could review it all at once. And I remember asking certain questions about the life, making certain requests. Like, for instance, I knew that it was important that I be male because I knew that in this case, having a male energy would help me to face the fear in a certain way—not that it has anything to do with women being unable to face fear and nothing like that at all. It's simply that there are different qualities to the energy of male and female, and something about having an obtuse edge would be helpful by being male. I also asked if I could be intelligent again in this life because I knew that I had been intelligent in previous experiences, and it was a trait that I preferred, and they said yes, I could do that.

And I knew that my parents were important and that they would raise me in a way that would enable me to have the ability to meet this fear. Like, my father would instill confidence in me, and that would give me a rock to stand on, you know, to be able to face this fear. And so, I reviewed it all, and I was super excited, and I knew that chief among what would happen is that I would—okay, so I knew that this body has limitations that other bodies don't, and that it would make the day-to-day experience more difficult actually. And I knew that that difficulty actually was just yet another opportunity for growth because that contrast, like all contrast, is actually an opportunity.

And I knew that I would very likely experience a trauma in my early 20s that would crush me and give me a chance, an opportunity to re-experience this fear. And that did happen—just to jump to that part of the story—when I was 22, I had a heat stroke in Chengdu, China, and I was in a Chinese hospital for four days, and I received a lot of potassium—bag after bag after bag of potassium. And I don't know if it was that potassium that did this or something else. I had celiac disease also at the time, so I had autoimmune flare-ups occurring, but what was important is that I experienced a neurological burning, a neurological pain that lasted for weeks and months, and it was again just agony, and I couldn't escape it.

And this fear that I'm here to face is a vibration of—oh, it's very hard to explain or describe, but it's something like being unable to escape pain mixed with being too proud to suffer. And so, that was the energy of this event when I was 22. So, I had post-traumatic stress for a few years—I'm jumping ahead now—but I had post-traumatic stress for a few years after this trauma, and I processed a huge amount of that through EMDR therapy with a therapist, and I met and faced and integrated a lot of this fear. And it was only after I did that that this memory was able to return. I certainly didn't have any awareness of this at the time, but now it's helpful because now I know what I'm doing. So, when an experience like that arises for me, I know I don't have to fear. I can just face and feel.

But anyway, so back to the story—I hate calling it a story—back to this preparation experience. I remember there being a moment to say yes, and I don't remember that moment, but I do remember then being in this waiting area where I was like—I can only describe it like a waiting room that was high vibration, and all of a sudden, this guide coming to me and getting my attention like, "Go now," like grabbing my attention now, right now, like just kind of grabbing me by the shoulders like, "Right now, don't wait. You gotta go right now. You're on Earth time, kind of thing."

And the next thing I remember is being in this place that I can only describe as like a mechanics room or a mechanic shop. It was a room that had like a big pit in the middle of it is how I saw it, but there were these beings there that I can only describe as tinkerers or technicians, and they did this thing for me where they applied the veil to me. Like, they made the veil appropriate for me because this—it's like the soul has certain rich, complex energetic qualities, and the life and the body and the context have something going on, and they do this thing where they make it all fit. They make it organic and personal. And so, I remember being in this room over this pit, and them asking me one last time, "Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this because once you say yes here, this is it. You're strapped in. You're in for the ride."

And I remember saying yes, and then the veil coming over me again, and my vibration plummeting down, down, down, lower, lower, lower, and all my knowing being cut off, and all of my connectedness disappearing, and everything that I was feeling like it was vanishing. And I remember coming all the way down into this dense bodily experience and then basically just trying not to fight it this time because I didn't want to repeat what I had done previously where I rejected it. I didn't want to repeat that, so I focused on simply surrendering and allowing the veil to have power over me.

Okay, so then I was here, and I sent one little message back to the technicians, "Did it take? Like, you know, did the veil take?" And getting one message back, "Yes." And so, I knew that I had made it, and I was very excited that I had made it. Okay, so then I was here for a while, and then after a while, I said, "You know what? I'm not doing this. This is not happening.

This is so dark. This is such low vibration. What? I cannot believe the low vibration of the state." So, once again, I began to muster my might to fight my way out, and as I did that, the most holy moment in my human journey happened. The great spirit of what I can only describe as God—the I AM presence of the universe—came to me, and it said to me in a way that was so deep and personal and in the depths of my being—I can't even describe it. It's not even words. It showed me what I really was. It showed me the universe. It showed me all of creation, and I felt the bliss of being that I was. I felt the churning of our sun and how as it churned, it was just full of this raging bliss of joy. And I felt all of that in me, and the voice said to me, "This is still what you are. You can never not be this."

And that memory is the most precious and holy moment for me because that is what we all are. You know, that is our true nature—that unlimited, perfectly connected, free, joyful, powerful, so powerful spirit that we are. And in this case, that reminded me enough that I survived. Like, "Oh, I surrendered. I was like, 'Oh, that's what I am. That's wonderful. Okay.'"

And so, I let go into the simple existence of being in the womb, and the next memory I have is of the day I was born. I remember the shock of being born—the sense data, just lots of sight, sound, touching, cold. I remember being super confused and curious but having no intellectual understanding at all of what was going on. I remember looking at the beings that were there in the room taking care of me and feeling love for them—like the nurses—and just feeling like, "Oh, my gosh, who are these beings that are taking care of me? What is going on?" Like, just being so intensely curious. And that seems like so long ago to me now. You know, it seems like thousands of years ago that I experienced that, even though I'm only 41 years old.

So, then as I aged, I just say that I remember having portions of this memory, especially the flowchart memory, and I remember being a young child and like cheating a little bit and peeking in just to see what was going to happen—like, "Well, what's going to happen tomorrow?" Just on real simple things like, "Where are we going to go? Or who's going to come over?" And just trying to peek just because I was curious and I wanted to know.

But that ability diminished and left me as I got older, especially by the ages of five or six, I would say. So, that's a brief summary. Again, these things are very, very difficult to describe. I feel like every time I share the experience, I know I'm repeating many of the same words. I don't know how else to say it, and it's just too big for language.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Thank you for sharing that. There's about 10 different directions I could have gone in from what you've just said. Sorry. That's okay. No, that's okay. The first question I guess to bring it into the physical aspect of us is: What did you do when you started remembering? What do you do with an experience like that because you still have to get up, pay the bills, go to work, and actually process that kind of information? And you know, did you find yourself feeling free all of a sudden, or did you find yourself feeling terrified, thinking, "Is anyone going to think I've lost the plot?" Like, where were you at?

Well, like I said, I didn't share it at first. It was definitely a closet-keeping experience for seven or eight years because that's not something I mean—I was a working professional most of my life, and that's the kind of thing you don't really share if you're a working professional. No, but it did feel very freeing—very freeing. And it was also very like—I just wanted, okay, so as I—and it wasn't just the memories. It was that more importantly, I was having experiences. Like, everybody, I think, is very interested in hearing that story, but I don't actually think it's very important.

I think what's much more important is to focus on what we're doing here and to help remind each other of what we really are and of the love and the joy of our true nature and remind each other of how important it is to face our own fear and ego and to overcome it, you know, and to heal and to bring joy into the world. I mean, that's what's important to me. So, really, what my focus initially was—I mean, it was on—I was discovering things. I was having out-of-body experiences, and I was like, "Oh, my gosh, people need to know about this."

So, my initial instinct was like, "I just need to tell people somehow." And I remember having this very silly idea actually—this sounds so ridiculous to me now that I think about it—but I actually said out loud to my wife, "I at least considered this for five minutes." I said, "Maybe I should create flyers and put them in people's mailboxes and tell them that they're non-physical beings just having a human experience." And my wife is like, "You're gonna be that guy if you do that." And I'm like, "Yeah, I am going to be that guy. What am I thinking? I can't do that. That's crazy." You know, so I just kept my mouth shut, but I began to write. I felt spirit come to me over the years and basically like, "Oh, help me to bring language to my own awakening process as I went through it." And so, I wrote a blog, and the blog I knew from the beginning would eventually become a book.

And the book is now out. It's available for free on my website—awalkinthephysical.com. I'm just mentioning that in case it's helpful to somebody. It's not about the money. So, I wrote these blog posts knowing that they were part of a bigger framework, and I put them into a larger framework to try to speak to what are we doing here? You know, what is this human experience in the physical? You know, what is going on within the bigger context? And it's very difficult to put that into language, and it's very difficult to speak to the nature of consciousness in language because it transcends all form, all language. But I felt very much motivated to do that, and so now that the book is out, I feel deeply happy that it is. I feel that it's my life's work actually. Now that it's out, I feel like if I were to pass tomorrow, I would be happy. And I feel like I can actually kind of walk away, take a step away from it now if I need to. That's fine. It's off on its own. I just needed to make it available.

See, that was my initial reaction, but yeah, it's very shocking and eye-opening when you have these kinds of experiences. They're not subtle. It's like you can't help but look at life differently. My old belief systems were deeply challenged. You know, I was raised with a certain belief system that I had to drastically—maybe "modify" is not the right word—you know, tear down and reestablish because it just wasn't as accurate as it could be. And I took a lot of humility actually and courage for me to do that and to admit all that I didn't know. So, yeah, that was a big change, big process.

Yeah, wow. You mentioned fear many times sharing your story and looking to work on these challenges and overcoming. Yeah, how would you distill—because obviously there's a lot of fear going on right now in the world, right? Like, there's—you know, I've certainly been gripped by fear in the past that can stop me from moving forward into different aspects of my life. What have you learned about fear? What is the purpose of fear, and how do we then work with fear?

Yeah, well, it's not so—it's not that fear is a substance that we have to work with. It's simply that—okay, so the truth of what we are is love and joy and excitement and creativity and freedom. That is the nature of consciousness itself. Its native nature is love. Fear is an artifact that we experience when we lose ourselves in a place where we are not the whole anymore. So, when we don't know the totality of what we are and we buy into perceptions like I mentioned before that are not in alignment with the truth, that provokes fear. But that's because now there's a big problem.

You know, now that we feel separate, we feel like we don't have our power, we don't have access to our own knowledge. I mean, gosh, look at what's possible in this world. We naturally respond in fear, and then the ego is the part of us that rises up and tries to fix the problem and help somehow by buying into beliefs or self-justifications or all the stories—whatever stories I can to avoid facing my fear because, man, I don't want to face that fear. The fear can be very, very deep and dark. But I like to call fear simply yet unevolvingness. It's not a substance that has true power or something. It's just that it's a signpost to us that we have an area that we have not yet fully integrated—an experience, a condition, or a context that we have not yet fully integrated.

I'll use a simple example that I mentioned in the book because I think it's simple and crude, but I think it kind of helps. So, when my father was a boy, a young child, he was terrified of his closet in his room. And he laid in his bed every night and just laid there terrified of what was in the closet. He imagined all these monsters and scary things in the closet, and he couldn't sleep. And after dealing with this for dozens of times—maybe months—one night, he said, "Screw this. Whatever's in that closet can't be worse than me laying here being scared of it."

So, he jumped out of bed, went into the closet, and sat on the ground in the back of his closet, and he was totally terrified. And he waited for the monsters to eat him, and nothing happened. No monsters ate him, and he then saw there was nothing to fear. There was nothing in the closet. There were no monsters. So, now, as you can rightly guess, my father is no longer afraid of closets as an adult. He can lay in bed and look at a closet in the dark and feel no fear. So, I know that's a simple example, but all the rich contexts of our life that seem so daunting are not that dissimilar.

They may be different in scope or intensity, but they are similar in that underneath it all, there is nothing to fear. The love and the joy of what we are is the root of all of our experience. And so, as we integrate the experiences that we have rejected in the past, as we allow or process them and allow ourselves to fully come to terms with them and feel everything that arises out of them and really process it, after the monster in the closet has its way with us, it will go, and what's left is the joy of our being—the love and joy that we always were, but now it can rise up and shine more fully because it's not hindered by this illusion of fear any longer.

Now, I'm not making light of fear. I mean, I've dealt with huge amounts of fear in my life. That's what I'm here to do. I mean, I'm pushing the boundaries in a certain direction and in a certain way, so I'm not making light of how deep and powerful fear can feel. Yeah, I just want to draw attention to the fact that it is not like some opposite that we have to strive against. No, it is only an opportunity. It shows us there's something about our experience that we haven't yet fully come to terms with, and it invites us actually to go integrate that—go see, go into the closet, process it, see what you really are because after we do that, there is a profound expansion of what we are—an expansion of being, an expansion of love and joy.

Well, how would you summarize then our purpose of being here in relation to what you just said as well because obviously that's a clear part of us being here? And also, that there is a veil and almost like a disconnection from source. It's not—yeah, we're not actually disconnected from source. We feel this—no, but it feels that way. It's an apparent separation.

Oh, yeah, actually, it's an extremely separate feeling. This is the most—if you take us, if you make a spectrum, you know, we're like super far out on the spectrum right now with how separate we feel, and that's unusual. But anyway, so to your question—so, okay, the purpose—if we had to summarize it at a very high level, but I feel the best way to put it is the purpose of this physical universe is to participate in the expansion of love and joy, which is the process of evolution through choice-making in this rich context. So, we have this rich context of duality, and we get to make choices every day, wield intent.

We get to use intention, and the intent is the most important thing. The choices happen from intent. You know, it feels like our choice is what we're intending, like, you know, but really, intent—what I mean is the real why—the real deepest why we're making the choices we're making.

That's what I'm talking about. We get to then experience exactly what it's like to have to live life with that deepest why. How does life respond to us? How do the people around us respond to us? How does our biology respond to us? Out of society, you know, whatever. How do our own thoughts arise? What thoughts arise? So, it's such a rich context. You know, what beliefs do we buy into?

And then how do we experience the reality based on those beliefs? You know, the physical universe is like a giant mirror—a giant mirror that allows us to see exactly what we believe and what we intend. You know, and so, we're having a very true experience to who we really are when we're this constrained. You know, and this is a super, super, super constraining experience. I can't stress that enough. It's not that we're—yes, we have a lot of fear.

We have a long way to go. It's not that we are not powerful beings. It's that we've signed up for a very, very challenging game of being human, and the richness of this context in this contrast permits a very precious and valuable expansion of being—an expansion of love and joy. So, we're here to actualize love and grow towards love. That's the simplest way to put it.

Yeah, why then do you feel or think that people like yourself have had these experiences, these memories, and had the opportunity to have these realizations of who we truly are, and other people haven't got there yet?

Okay, well, so first of all, I'm not special at all. It's just that—okay, so first of all, we are totally permitted to do whatever we'd like with this playground. There's no real rule that says you can't remember. It's just that there's a ridiculous vibrational distance between there and here, and so the veil is actually very additive because it allows the development of an independent portion of the self—an independent personality that can grow on its own without past memory influence.

But it's still the same I that's operating through that character, and that's very helpful. Now, I'm still very much veiled. I'm very thankful that I am. I mean, it sounds like I shared a lot, but to me, it's just the tiniest, tiniest, tiniest little tip of the iceberg, and I'm super veiled, and I'm thankful that I am. Veiling is very much necessary in a way because—well, there's a few reasons. One of which is it protects us from homesickness because we would be so homesick if we remembered the totality of what we are and where we come from that we wouldn't be able to focus here.

And it also helps us to focus in a very practical way. You know, because if you had full conscious access to the rest of your being into other reality systems, you wouldn't very well be able to get up and go to work, you know, put gas in the car, that kind of thing. And it also allows us to be deeply—this is important—the veil allows us to be deeply this human character. Like, our Earth is where you can come if you want to come and be the human—like, all the way, man. Then this is how we do it.

We require this deep of a veil to allow us to be completely like if you want to have the perspective of being the human, this is what you got to do. You know, you got to be the human all the way, and then later, of course, you will remember all of the rest of what you are as well. But wow, what an experience to be able to operate from such a deeply convincing human vantage point. That's a powerful opportunity.

Yeah, for sure. It makes me consider as well in this work that it can be very easy to be chasing getting beyond the veil and then using that to avoid the very things.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's funny you say that because when I first started having these experiences, I definitely felt that like, "Oh, my gosh, all I want to do now is go out of body." Yeah, that's not what we're here to do. So, I have felt very intuitively guided back to the physical and actually, I've practiced at certain times less meditation because I feel it's helpful to get deeper into the human character—like, to lose myself again actually into the story of Christian, which isn't really who I am, but to lose myself in the story can be helpful because there's opportunity.

There's so much opportunity here. Like, we come here for a purpose. So, it's so precious to be able to use this human experience in front of us right now while it's here. It's not a big mistake. It's a huge opportunity. In fact, being human is like such a precious gift. It's so precious. It's such a valuable, sought-after opportunity. So, here you are, you know, here you are today. We get to use this day however we wish. That's an incredible opportunity.

Yeah, the opportunity is here with how we meet our lives right now in the small things—the simplest things. You know, this—it doesn't have to be a huge, complex endeavor. Like, just how do you respond to the person next to you today? How do you brush your teeth? What's your relationship with your pet? Whatever, you know, whatever small way that is, that's the powerful stuff. As humans, we tend to get really lost in the human content drama.

We think a lot about how the props on the stage are arranged today. You know, we get really upset about how the props are arranged, but we don't need to worry about that. What we need to do is simply meet our own experience the very best we can, bring love into our own lives, into our own experience, in whatever small way we can, meet our own fear. That is a part of the great solution. It's very powerful.

So, I went on a tangent there, but that's what your comment reminded me of—the value of here.

No, 100%. Yeah, absolutely. And why—what are the benefits then of being here? Why don't we just stay in the non-physical if it's so full of love and it's so great, and you know, we're in this place? Why even—why are we—why come here then?

Yeah, so there's a type of evolution and expansion that is only possible—well, I don't want to limit it. There's a type of evolution and expansion possible on Earth that is very unique. I'll put it that way and basically not possible unless we're under this level of constraints. So, I'll just use a metaphor that I like for this. You know, if you're sitting on your living room couch and you're watching TV, and you're nice and comfortable, and you've got full access to the snacks, you know, everything's great. Why would you ever get up and go for a run? Like, why would you do that?

Why would you get up and put your body under stress? Well, because when you get back, you're stronger, and now when you sit on the couch, you can actually enjoy it in a way that you couldn't even before because now you know what it's like to have gone for a run. So, Earth is a very high contrast—potentially high contrast. It's a lot—has a lot of potential for very high contrast simulation. You know, a place that we can come and experience potentially very high contrast for the purposes of growth, expansion, personal expansion, and the expansion of all that is. We're actually participating in a collective expansion as well. And we're very creative and curious beings, so we do it. You know, we're—and we know our true immortal nature.

We know we can't truly be harmed, so you know, why—I mean, here's another metaphor that might be helpful. You know, why would you watch a scary movie when it might scare you? Well, you can't really be hurt, but it's kind of a neat experience. I mean, I personally don't like scary movies, but I'm just saying it's the ability to have an experience that can stimulate you in a way that otherwise you wouldn't be able to experience. Being human is kind of like that. Like, we come to a place where we can actually experience being scared or being harmed or, you know, having to make decisions and relationships. Oh, my gosh, all the complexity of relationships and so many opportunities—such a rich, beautiful context to do that here in a place where we don't have full conscious access, and we have to deal with what's just in front of us and with the feedback we're getting.

That's a very rich context through which we can actually grow towards love, actually actualize and bring love into a real context. It's one thing to—you might say like another metaphor is you know, you can go to school and you can read about how to repair cars in books all you want, but until you get underneath the car and get your hands dirty, you know, you don't really know how to fix a car. So, it's a little bit like that with actualizing love and different virtues or you could say virtues in context. Being human is an incredible context through which to develop that ability because it's high contrast.

Yeah, no, makes sense. Makes sense. I always kind of think of it like we're a nerve ending to consciousness, and we're here, and we're kind of—I like that—having our experience, but at the same time, we're actually putting information back and contributing to the larger source. I like that even though we are part—yeah, the human personality as a nerve ending. And I also like that because the human personality portion of us is such a small portion of the whole. You know, we think this is all we are, but the I that is knowing the human experience is much bigger. So, I like that metaphor for that.

Incredible. Yeah, look, I can't believe we've nearly gone for an hour already. Unbelievable, mate. It's been a fascinating conversation, and I've got probably another 20 questions for you, but you might have to come back on the show at some stage if that's all right.

That would be wonderful.

But I loved—I'd love to ask a couple of questions just every week as well, and one is: What is it—what does your morning routine look like? Do you get up and meditate every morning? Have you got like this complete ritual, or do you just enjoy getting entrenched in the ego, or what do you do?

That's a good question. Well, for me, my meditations are usually in the evening. I do try to make that a routine. I'm a morning person, so I like getting up early. As soon as I get up, I like to be productive. My wife is the opposite, but I like being productive five minutes after I'm awake. So, I have two young children. I usually make them lunches and help get them on school buses. Right now, I'm in between jobs, but typically, I'm working, and so of course, I go to work.

But you know, it's like the routine that we have. Okay, so I'll say that it is important to have a routine because we need to set aside time in our lives because otherwise, we can get so wrapped up in the thinking and in the story all the time. I find that having a meditation time every day is very valuable, even if I feel that I can't really meditate that day, that's fine. I still put aside the time.

I allow myself to arrive to it however I can. And then as we go through the day, I find that it's very valuable throughout the day. This isn't really a routine, but it's just something I find that I'm constantly recognizing is the importance of mindfulness in even simple activities like in the morning when I'm making a lunch or in the middle of the day, whatever I'm doing, just being fully present with it, just experiencing it. There's a lot to be said for that as well. So, that's not a specific routine, but it may be worth mentioning.

Yeah, no, perfect. Thank you. And have there been any mentors or books that have influenced your journey? Yeah, from when you started having these memories?

Yeah, absolutely. I can think of three sources that I would say are—I don't know if I can use the word "mentor" loosely, but three sources have been very helpful for me. One is Tom Campbell, yeah, the physicist and consciousness explorer that I mentioned before. I read his "My Big TOE" trilogy over two years with a pen in hand. That was early in my awakening process that kind of kicked me down his path, and really, the most important thing Tom recommended was meditation, and he gave a meditation exercise which I basically still use to this day and I reiterated in slightly different format in my own book. That was very helpful.

And the other—I'm sorry, yeah, I've had Tom on the show twice, actually. Sorry, I've had Tom on the show twice. Tom's amazing. I love Tom so much. I've never physically met him, but I look forward to whether physically or not physically giving him a huge hug someday. I'm very grateful to him. Okay, so the other two sources I'll mention—one, the second is these are actually both channeled sources, and I'm usually very skeptical and hesitant about channeled sources. There's a lot of difference in quality, but I'll just mention two that I've found to be wonderful.

One is Silver Birch, who is a channeled guide in the 1930s through a man named Maurice Barbanel in the UK. Very hard to find in the United States. I had to order my books from Britain, but his language and articulateness is just breathtakingly beautiful. I read Silver Birch to my wife sometimes at night when we're going to sleep, you know, just try to like even if it's just a paragraph, just kind of bring it out. That's been very helpful for me. Not that it's like comprehensive information, but it's just so beautiful, and I feel the energy. I feel energy sometimes.

I feel the energy of the author, and that alone, just the energy, is like a signpost or something. It helps me. And lastly, I'll say Seth Speaks—the Seth Speaks series by Jane Roberts. Seth was channeled in the 1970s by a woman named Jane Roberts in New York here in the USA. His main book is "The Eternal Validity of the Soul." Seth tends to focus on the topic of how our beliefs create our reality.

That's his main focus, but I still have appreciated a lot of the content in several of his books. He's pretty repetitive, but I found that that repetition was very helpful and necessary for me. It's just important because we have such deep assumptions about how reality works, and sometimes we have to hear something a couple hundred times before we really go, "Wait, really? Is it possible? Could it really be like that?" So, Seth's work is a little bit like that for me, but again, I love the energy and I love the content he brings forth.

Great, thank you. And I'll make sure they're all in the show notes below this podcast for anyone that's going to see this right now as well. I want to check that out as well. Yeah, and last question, Christian, just to wrap it up today like with everything we've covered—which has been a lot—is there anything you would like to leave the listeners to ponder on?

Yes, yeah, I think the most important thing I can share today is whoever you are listening, please be reminded: You are not just a human. You're not just the human character. You're not the human. You're not just your story. You're your spirit, your consciousness itself that is knowing this human experience, and there is nothing in it that you ultimately need to fear. You are a being of love and joy and peace and freedom and creativity. That's what you are.

And I really hope that you can feel that at least a tiny little bit—feel deep within. Let go of your own story for just a minute. Let go of the stresses and the anxieties and the must-do's and the must-be's, and just allow yourself to know—like, let it rise up in a way that's beneath the conditioned thinking mind, and feel who you are because that's really who you are—not just this human character. So, I hope that can be freeing to someone who might be listening today. I know we get lost in the stories quite easily. I get lost in my story very commonly, so I know how easy it is for that to happen.

Yes, but stories are also very powerful, and they're a great way in to create more curiosity to then begin to start practicing and embodying this work.

Yes, that's interesting. I love it, Christian. Where can I send everyone to if they want to grab a copy of your book, want to get on a newsletter? Do you do a newsletter? Are there people—yeah, you can visit my website. My website is at www.awalkinthephysical.com. I have a book page there with links to the book on Amazon, and the third link down on that page is to the free version, which is on Google Books. Anybody can read it for free. I can also be reached at awalkinthephysical@gmail.com if you'd like to email me, and I'm happy to talk to anybody I can. There's been a lot of emails lately. I'll do my best. I am happy to talk to everybody that I can.

Well, you were very punctual with me as well, Christian, so I appreciate it. You know, I'm not sure after doing 190 interviews. I've seen it all in the way people's organization skills are there, and you're fantastic, mate. So, I appreciate it. Look, Christian, thanks for all that you do. Thank you for having the courage to step out and share your message with the world because it's very powerful.

It's certainly got me pondering on a lot of many things, and I just love being open to explore, having a platform like this where I can have people like yourself on and have these conversations and then share them with others as well. So, it's been a great privilege for me today to have you on and to have you share so honestly and openly from the heart, Christian. Thank you for all that you do, mate. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for the choices you made to get here because you had to make many personal, difficult decisions to be at this point where you're sharing this information and sharing all your guests. I mean, you made sacrifices, so thank you for your valuable choices as well. Much appreciated.